Ok, so this one is more about the cycling and less of the political ranting (it will happen from time to time). I managed to save the saucepan by the way. Phew.
The end of year can throw up lots of conflicting emotions. I have a tendency to be backward-looking and it’s all too easy for me to fall into the habit of seeing the change of year as a loss, a leaving behind of all those great times I’ve had over the last 12 months and them being submerged into my personal history. There’s part of me that would like to bottle up those joyful moments like a perfume, or a single malt, to be intermittently savoured. I know there is a ridiculousness to this. I know that there will be plenty of forthcoming awesome times. Very generally-speaking, anxiety is future-fear – all those ‘what-ifs’ which can become overwhelming.
Anxiety can infiltrate every aspect of your life, prevent you from making big, long-term plans (some many variables!) to the minutia (so many variables!) and I find even going out on a short bike ride will involve plenty of pre-pedal analysis. What is the weather going to be like? What combination of kit shall I wear? How much food and liquid? Which thickness of gloves? How long shall I go out for? Where shall I go? What do I need to do when I get home and will I have the energy to do it? Do I have time? Can I be bothered?
Thing is, all this takes up a lot of energy and time as it is and it becomes alarmingly easy to talk yourself out of doing anything at all. The key, I’ve found, is awareness of your own situation. It doesn’t come easy, it’s quite a learning curve. Identifying when you are sliding into over-analysis is one thing, doing something about it is another. I try and pull myself up short and just go. Sometimes I counter the what-ifs by actively positive thoughts… if I go there I will see that bit of countryside I love, if I do that route I’ll get that fab downhill run that makes me feel like I’m flying…
It’s different now I’m now I’m not training for racing though I still find myself setting targets in terms of distance or hours. When this seems too much I refocus and try a more mindful approach – taking in the countryside, observing changes in the flora, delighting in random views along the way. I turn the bike ride from a means to an end to an end itself.
The weather plays a bigger part the older I get, the seasons too. Grey, cloudy blargh I find difficult, I’ll take a freezing cold day over mild temps and low cloud any day. I’m learning not to always dash around feeling that I need to be super-active any time the sun comes out, but getting out of the house is definitely worthwhile – even just sitting on the terrace outside a local café in Crystal Palace basking in the winter sun has its merits.
There’s always something to observe, how ever long or short the ride, whether in the countryside or town. Drink it in. Observe and delight in your surroundings. React to them. Stop for that coffee if you want to. Allow yourself a little leeway.
Wishing you a fab 2018, everyone. 🙂
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