I’ve been considering a bit more about suicidality.
Writing the blog post made me think about things for a while and how alien that state of mind is when you feel ok. Also, how all those questions that get asked by others (friends, family, colleagues, etc.) in an attempt to understand can be at odds with the thoughts around the desire to take your own life. I think that if you are at the point where that appears to be the only answer or way out the idea that you are able to think of the impact on those around you simply doesn’t register in many cases. If someone has made a firm decision then perhaps there is a sense of release.
I’ve been send a poem. The contributor worked with someone who took his own life, and did it a way which ensured there was no chance of the attempt not succeeding. The contributor described to me how they thought John was getting better, less depressed. What seems to have happened is that he’d stopped caring and was able to outwardly display an improved state having made up his mind on the course of action. We talked of, rather than ‘weakness’ at no longer feeling able to face life, the strength it might take to make such an irreversible decision such as he did. The poem is a tribute to him.
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